My Growing Pains
By Ryan Beale
Ok this time my focus is on being more personal and looking deeper into myself. I am constantly looking to mature but I get caught up in life and situations that progression seems relentlessly difficult and hard to achieve. If I had any moment in my life back I could certainly take back royally screwing up my foster place in the Shram’s home. I won’t go into detail on why I left but I will let you know that loved staying there and I regret everything I did to have me leave their care. In a way I can truly say that I hate myself and wish I hadn’t of done what happened there but in a way its taught me a lot about life and what it means to feel repentant of your actions. As I know it might not actually mean anything to them at all or to Katie or Connor I truly apologize for what I did, but I don’t feel sorry for those actions for they only taught me greater things than the consequences that followed. I know it sounds weird and ambiguous but I only feel sorry for what pain I caused and the mistrust I displayed. I feel like if you do something wrong you should tell someone about it before they or that person doesn’t feel truly apologetic of their actions. So I feel remorse and against towards my actions but I can’t say for sure that I am sorry because I had to wait until I was caught before I could apologize.
I have spent countless nights trying to replay the situation in my head to re-do the frankly retarded situation I happened to get my self into and all I can say is: life happens and all I can do now id rebuild. To Barb and Kendall I truly hold you in the highest regard, I find it incredible that you would let me into your home despite not knowing me at all. I thank you for all I learnt from you and for teaching me what a true Christian should be modeled after. I think of you guys as true parents (though obviously not my own) as you had shown me more than any others before you. To Katie I am sorry, nothing I can do now will make things forever better but at the very least I can tell you that I am regretful of what I had done. To Connor, you were an idol and to some extent you still are, I can’t tell you how much of an actual brother you really meant to me, to bad I threw that away. I can still remember telling you about the man I was going to live with (how he seemed lower class and dirty no offense to the fellow) and when you seen you lipped “I see what you mean” my way. I cried the entire way from Warman to West side Saskatoon. To say that every moment I live today isn’t in constant memory of your home is an absolute lie, I miss being with my friends and having a loving and caring family to go home to. But in a sick sort of way I also learned so much about life and living in recluse that I am glad that I left so could really what I learnt and apply it.
If there was something more I could say I would say I miss you guys and I only wish the best for you.
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